The Rainbow Bridge

There is no denying that running the rescue can take a high emotional toll some days. Today was definitely one of them. We had to put two puppies from a litter of four in the ER vet on Saturday. They stayed overnight as well as Sunday night. I was there a little after 7 am to pick them up and transfer them to our regular vet. A few hours later, we were sending in one more puppy as well. We have been through this process before. We know the chances we take, but we always try to at least take a chance.

My mind is such a flutter tonight. I've gotten to know these puppies pretty well over the last few weeks. They were left behind because a neglegent owner left her unspayed dog with someone who let her get pregnant then dumped her and the puppies at the shelter. The owner came back for the mom, but left the pups. They were about six weeks old. They sat in the shelter for a week before that, and then sat two days afterwards until I was able to get them. It seems like a short period, but that's all it takes to contract deadly diseases.

Right now, I want so badly to have someone to blame. When I walked into the vet's office after work tonight, I didn't feel good. I could just sense it wasn't right. And I was correct. I was walked back and asked to make a decision on him. I hate being the one to make those decisions, but that's what I've been doing the last six years. Before me was a puppy I didn't know. Just a few days before, he had been bouncing around with his brothers, eating at my shoe laces and attaching himself to my pants leg as I tried to walk. But this puppy before me was not him. He was already gone. I couldn't let what was left continue to suffer. I turned towards the wall, banged my fist once, and just let the tears flow. It's a rare thing to see me cry. I pride myself on being strong. But in that dark hallway, looking through the door at my puppies, I just filled with anger and extreme sadness. The vet techs gave me my time as I stared. I couldn't stop and I couldn't stop the tears. Finally I told them to let him go. I was escorted to an exam room to wait and they closed the door behind me. I put my head in my hands and just continued to cry, alone. I would have to compose myself to call his adoptive family and tell them the news. But for now, I needed my time to grieve.

Dr. Sheller came in to talk to me. She was soft in her tone, told me about cases she had had before. I know the statistics, I know the survival rate is not always good. I lost six puppies last year, and I remember every single one of them. But it never gets easier. We talked about the remaining two, how one had improved so much, he tried to remove the catheter himself. The other was doing well but not as good as they wanted him to do. She wanted them to both stay overnight.

I walked out in silence. Sweet Amy at the front desk made a small gesture that she was sorry but didn't say anything. Most animal lovers never have to. We all love our pets and understand how terrible we would feel if it was one of ours. I grabbed my paperwork, got in the truck, and headed home.

I don't even remember the drive home, but I made it. It took me nearly two hours to do the feedings and medicines and cleanings tonight, something that usually takes half that. I finished and finally called all the families to update them on their puppies. I saved the worst for last. It was probably the hardest phone call I've ever had to make, and yet the gentleman was so kind to me. I was very calm and collected, but I'm sure he could hear a tint of sadness in my voice. I apologized profusely, but I really didn't know what more I could say. As I had been told at the vet's office, we did all that we could, we just can't save them all.

--- Rainbow Bridge ---

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.

Author Unknown


--- The Reason ---

I would've died that day if not for you.

I would've given up on life if not for your kind eyes.
I would've used my teeth in fear if not for your gentle hands.
I would have left this life believing that all humans don't care
Believing there is no such thing as fur that isn't matted
Skin that isn't flea bitten
Good food and enough of it
Beds to sleep on
Someone to love me
To show me I deserve love just because I exist.

Your kind eyes, your loving smile, your gentle hands
Your big heart saved me...

You saved me from the terror of the pound,
Soothing away the memories of my old life.
You have taught me what it means to be loved.
I have seen you do the same for other dogs like me.

I have heard you ask yourself in times of despair
Why you do it
When there is no more money, no more room, no more homes
You open your heart a little bigger, stretch the money a little tighter
Make just a little more room to save one more like me.
I tell you with the gratitude and love that shines in my eyes
In the best way I know how
Reminding you why you go on trying.

I am the reason
The dogs before me are the reason
As are the ones who come after.
Our lives would've been wasted, our love never given
We would die if not for you.

By Kim Senke-Rocka
Associate Executive Director
Heart Bandits American Eskimo Dog Rescue