Monday, February 11, 2008

I'm an Aquarius with a Big Heart

I'm in a weird mood today/tonight. I don't know quite why, but something propelled me to check out Astrology.com and read my horoscope for the day:
You've got a big heart -- bigger than most people know. Today is perfect for combining it with your big brain to figure out some new way to help people or the planet. It may start a new trend.


Hmm. I half expected it to read, "You will encounter lots of poo. Don't forget paper towels on the way home." Of course, that's how it always feels when a new litter gets dropped off. But you know me, always a sucker for those baby blue eyes and puppy breath.

So anyways, back to this mood thing... my friend Dan talked to me last night about some of the mental health counseling they do at the Red Cross. He's been working hard since the explosion, and I'm sure it won't slow down anytime soon. He told me last night that one of the things they do is ask a person their name, and then ask them how they feel about having that name. I rolled my eyes.

My mom named me, and gave me her name as my middle name. Growing up, I could never quite figure out who I was or who I wanted to be. I told Dan about how I had changed my name throughout my childhood, mainly the spelling, or dropping my middle name (which I still rarely use), or using my confirmation name which I thought was more elegant, after all, I chose the name off of one of my favorite Jane Austin characters. But it was an intriguing point to consider.

But that's not what is really bothering me. I just turned 29 and I'm still not sure I know what I want to do with my life. Of course, I want to continue with the rescue, but it does get lonely. I know I want my masters degree, and some other certifications, though finding the time right now is becoming a bit harder with each day. But I started to think about all the things I've sacrificed for the last five years to keep this passion going. I had never really thought of it as a sacrifice until I found myself alone for the "Savannah Heroes" presentation at the Lucas Saturday night. What does it say for a person that can be called a "celebrity" on a SavannahNOW blog, but can't get someone to accompany her to those types of events? I know I'm not alone as I read similar thoughts on blogs for other rescuers. Perhaps it is just not an easy to understand life we lead. But it could also be that I set my expectations too high of other people. I've always been of the mindset that if I can do it, so can others. I don't consider anything I do extraordinary, but just following the example set by my family, school and Church.

So, I guess this is a pre-30 crisis I'm going through. But I'm sure I'll forget about it shortly, after all, I have 10 days of spending two hours each day attempting to successfully medicate 7 squirmy puppies who would rather spit everything up all over me than be able to go to the bathroom normally. Ah, the joys of rescue puppyhood.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about sacrifice...at 27, watching all my pals get married, buy big ranch houses, and have babies, and I'm still following my passion for the arts, the dream of being "just an artist" and not a "starving one"...but in the grand scheme of things, I don't know what else I would have done with my life...you are truly an asset to our community with all that you do for our homeless pets...thanks for making that sacrifice.