Love Hurts

Especially when you are trying to give love to something so incredibly neglected.

Tonight I learned a very valuable lesson: you can't save them all. I've always been optimistic about helping animals, especially with cases like Georgia and Hope. And I want to help out people who are so good to me, which is why when I got the call from a good friend asking for help, I agreed. We were out of space, and out of money, but I figured I could find a way to make things work. Sadly, I think I've found the end of that.

I agreed to take a dog. Unfortunately, I did not have the whole truth about the dog's past or medical history. Neither did she. I discovered it in bits and pieces starting at 6 am and going until 6 pm.... when I was bit in the face trying to do nothing more complicated than attach a leash to a collar. The pain brought me to my knees... at which point I discovered just how badly I was bitten. I was lucky two other volunteers were around to help out, and Hannah and DaVinci rushed to protect me as I walked in the house.

A quick lookup on the net gave me a number for the nearest immediate med. I called, explained I'd had an accident in my yard and needed stitches. They were open till 8, so I got ready to leave. Amanda helped bandage me up with some gauze to hold in place for the drive. I helped Josh corral the dog back into his kennel as best we could, where we discoverd he had torn apart a lot of the chainlink on the kennel that was just constructed on Sunday. So much for gratitude.

I got in my truck and headed to the doc. I prepared the story in my head. I didn't want to admit what happened, as I knew the fate, but I also knew that I could never trust this dog to not hurt someone else. I knew what he had done to me, but what about a child?

I had already texted our vet to let her know what had happened and get her take, and she agreed with me that considering the pain the dog was already in from his physical state, humane euthanasia would be the best alternative. She agreed with another board member that we would give the former owner the opportunity to take the dog back with a signed agreement and a formal report filed on the issue.

So as I laid (grammar nazis, have at me) stretched out on the table getting incredibly long needles stuck in my face to numb the area, I thought about my situation. I had indications first thing this morning that the dog was going to be an issue, but kept putting it out of my mind, saying he was just nervous and it wasn't his fault. It wasn't. This 95 pound dog had just a few patches of hair left on his body, was covered in sores, had fresh blood from scratching, and fleas still moving an hour after digesting a Capstar. This doesn't all just happen over night. He had only known two other people in his life, and at 4 pm today, it was admitted to me that he hadn't even seen a vet in three years. No wonder he looked so bad.

So five stitches and a dressing later (oh, and did I mention that my entire face wasn't numb, that I felt every little movement of the last stitch going in me?), I headed off to Walgreen's to get my antibiotics and pain meds. But my fun didn't stop there. Turns out my COBRA coverage was screwed up, so I had to choose which meds to get since I'm still on a tight budget from paying off my walking pnemonia bills in December. So of course I went for the antibiotics. I figured an infection would be even more painful later than what I was feeling now.

I'm fortunate enough to have people who care about me. Of course Austin was the second person I called after the incident, and he called to check up on me before he checked into bedtime. But it was my surrogate big sis that I ran to before going back home. I was angry and hurt, but couldn't cry as that caused more pain and would affect my stitches. Instead, we talked things out then set about contacting the previous owner. Luckily, she understood what had happened and that she was not in a position to take him back.

I wanted so badly to save this dog, turn his life around. But that want made me go against my instincts and cost me dearly (not to mention my entire evening, quite a bit of cash, and blowing my diet for the comfort food of Krispy Kreme as I awaited my prescriptions being filled). It was not his fault that his life did not turn out as planned. Perhaps his breeder should have cared to ask more questions of the family purchasing him. Maybe someone could have looked for help for him several years ago. There were a lot of failures along his way, and I accept my part as well. It is definitely a humbling experience as I re-evaluate what I'm doing and if I'm really saving them at all.